She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
