Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
