I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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