GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
