At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
