Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
