I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
