remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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