dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
