At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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