Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
