just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
