Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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