i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
