I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
