WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
