And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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