@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
