Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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