my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
