I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
