Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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