I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
