im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize