38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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