I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
