Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize