I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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