Your dad touched me again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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