How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
