I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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