I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
