i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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