I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize