Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
