I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
