Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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