i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
