So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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