Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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