Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
