Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
