9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
