Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
