i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
