Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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