Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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