does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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