the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this just has baby written all over it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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