You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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