she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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