it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
