Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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