We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
