I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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