hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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