So drunk its hurt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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