Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
