It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
