They should really pass out barf bags in church
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
