U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
