he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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