I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
