I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
